Toddler tourettes

It’s always a joy isn’t it when your toddler starts to learn their first words. Isn’t it?

“Mama. Dada.”

Isn’t that so cute. She said Mama. Did you hear, she said Dada as well. Ah, what a wonderful world.

“Fuck”

Sorry. What the hell was that. Did you just…

“Dadda. Fuck. Dadda.”

She’s not mine. No, never met her.

“Dadda”

Shhh. Just shut up.

“Dadda. Fuck. Red fuck. Big fuck. Dadda. Dadda.”

Oohhhhh.

“Truck. T..t…ttttt.”

She’s learnt the word “truck” everybody. That’s right, T…ruck. No gender stereotyping here. Yep, you heard it…truck.

That was Flossy. Middle daughter. Aka F2. She’s good for a story or two. She was recently learning and practicing (quiet loudly) the “w” sound, and words that she had “made up” that started with the “w” sound and rhymed with bank, in the back of the car. But that story can wait for another day.

Our current toddler, Felicity, is busy learning her new words. Usefully, and to her credit, she is learning words she actually needs. When I say needs I mean wants. And when I say wants, I of course mean NOW!

“SHEET, MILK, RINA”

(Rina is Felicity’s go at “Vamparina”, which I surely don’t need to explain).

“MILK, SHEET, RINA, MUMMY”

She likes to mix it up.

“MUMMY!”

Mummy actually doesn’t enjoy having her name shouted at her, especially when she’s driving, with an attached caravan, down an impossibly narrow lane…the wrong way.

“MILK, SHEET, RINA, MUMMY.”

Dadda doesn’t get a mention interestingly. Although he has noticed England are 3 for 30 again. Unbelievable.

“Could you help her out…please.”

“Sorry, dear. Help who out?”

“Felicity? The one shouting at me.”

“No problem. What do you need, Fliss?”

I hear a collective groan of despair from my beloved family.

“MILK, SHEET, RINA!”

In perfect unison.

Despite her new mastery of the English language she has a hearing issue with regard to the word “no”. Interestingly she understands it very well when it comes out of her mouth but has no clue what it means when it enters her ear. Twice daily when I dare to advance at her with my trusty toothbrush in hand, I am reliably informed “no”. On loop. (Teeth is now a mummy job by the way). However, when she has a rock in her hand and she’s weighing up testing out her trajectory schema (throwing it at anything she fancies) the word appears incomprehensible to her. Must be my pronunciation.

So, we shall see or hear, what next she learns. I can’t wait….

Published by nickfuller77

I am a former recruitment manager and recently qualified teacher.

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